Life : What really matters?

I've been asked alot lately, but alot of friends that went down, be it co-workers at the casino I work at or one of the many, many friends I have that play poker if I'm going to Vegas, and why I'm not.

The answer is simple, and granted somewhat tragic. My father's health is very, very bad. Infact, he's in the hospital right now, and it doesn't look likely that he'll ever be checking out.

I say somewhat tragic because it's something I've had ample time to prepare for. My father was diagnosed with cancer 13 years ago now, and the day he was diagnosed, he was given 6 months to live. I still remember that day, more than any other day of my entire life on this earth. I was in Grade 10, and suddenly was dealing with this bombshell.

However, thankfully, my dad endured. Can't say I'm entirely surprised, he was always(this is somewhat cliched because everyone says this it seems) a tough man, and always stubborn, so it seemed natural that he'd piss on the 6 month diagnosis.

In truth, the doctors here in Hamilton have done absolute miracles with him, Dr.Davis specifically who was assigned his cancer doctor way back when, has since written several papers on the treatments he's given dad to keep him alive since that diagnosis...because it "shouldn't" be possible. So, I guess there's what the kids call a "shout-out" to him.

Now, why am I mentioning this/pissing on your day by letting you read this?

Well, as I said, his health is terrible now, his liver has completely failed, he's hooked up to a pump that's supplementing his liver and keeping him alive right now.

Seeing him in that state, kind of put life into perspective.

And this is where we take a plot twist...

Normally when someone in poker writes something like this, they make a long speech about how family is important, etc etc, and talk about how they're quitting the game to focus on what's important.

Fuck that.

Here's what the perspective I got was. Not just do what makes you happy...that's simplistic.

Instead, find what you were meant to do, and never leave it.

If that's waiting bars, working at McDonalds, or being spun out on crystal meth, don't shy away. Do what you love to do, do what you were meant to do.

I read back through this blog's history and old posts and I wonder how I managed to fuck this up so thoroughly. I read back to 2007, when I was playing poker full time, and I read the blog from that year and it's me having the time of my life, travelling like crazy, playing poker, making great money at it. I read about my Vegas trip, where I went down to Vegas for the first(and sadly only time so far) that year, and cashed in a WSOP event(my first one...obviously), and ended up coming back up nearly $10k for the 2 week trip.

And what happened next? What happened in 2008 and 2009? I took a job at a casino, and granted I still play poker, I kind of paused my "career" for the most part, to make safe money, and to take care of my father. It's not something I regret necessarily, but I do wish I had been more active in poker over the last year and a half now. I may even have had enough spare money to have taken him on a few more trips he wanted. I did get him out for one or two, but there were more I wish I had the opportunity to take him on.

Anyway, the basic gist of the post I wanted to get across is. If poker's important to you, if it's something you love to do, and you're good at...fuck "real life", poker is real life, and if it makes you happy, do it.

I regret not doing it, but mine eyes are clear now. It's time to get back into the saddle, as they say. I've already been starting, putting in huge volumes of sit-n-goes for a little bit now on FTP, and that will be continuing...and obviously not right now because of his health, but soon I'll be starting to travel and playing live again, because I loved it, and I miss it. It's kind of pathetic that it took this to wake me up to that fact, but such is life.

I leave you with something going back to the reasoning behind the article...and something inspiring/moving I read(or heard as the case may be) recently.

One of, if not flat out my favourite band in the world, Dream Theater, has a new album coming out next month, which I've already listened to for a little while now. Track 5 of the album is entitled "The Best Of Times", written by the drummer Mike Portnoy about his father dying of cancer while the album was being written. It's a beautiful song, and can be found here for anyone that wants to listen to it(the song cuts off at the final 2 minutes or so, which is a guitar solo out-tro) :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYc6kJqX99M

And since Mike Portnoy is a much better poet than I shall ever be, I'll leave you with his words instead of my own :

Dream Theater's "The Best of Times"

Remember days of yesterday
And how it flew so fast
The two score and a year we had,
I thought would always last
The summer days and west coast dreams,
I wished would never end
A young boy and his father,
Idol and best friend

I'll always remember
Those were the best of times
A lifetime together
I'll never forget

Morning shows on the radio
The case of the missing dog
Lying on the fields at the only twelve
Watching Harold and Maude
Record shops, the stick-ball fields
My home away from home
When we weren't together
The hours on the phone

I'll always remember
Those were the best of times
I'll cherish them forever
The best of times

But then came the call
Our lives changed forever more
You can pray for a change
But prepare for the end

The fleeting winds of time
Flying through each day
All the things I should have done
But time just slipped away
Remember "seize the day"
Life goes by in the blink of an eye
There's so much left to say

These were the best of times
I'll miss these days
Your spirit led my life each day

Thank you for the inspiration
Thank you for the smiles
All the unconditional love
That carried me for miles
It carried me for miles
But most of all thank you for my life

These were the best of times
I'll miss these days
Your spirit led my life each day
My heart is bleeding bad
But I'll be okay
Your spirit guides my life each day